There is no need for introductions. This is Skarner, one of the lowest picked champions in all of League. I'm about to tell you in a totally legal way, how to Impale you opponents in game, and get the fattest Nut possible.

As the chapter title mentions, playing a champion with this much Nut requires a mental that you may not have. If you're reading this guide, you're probably on 10-game-tilter and things are getting worse by the minute. If I'm guessing right, which I normally am right, you sold your house today to buy a Diamond-Smurfed League account so that your friends don't totally shun you and your parents don't disown you. This is not the way of the Nut.

Here's one of the fattest Nuts you can get:

You've been holding in a flash for a good 10 minutes, their carry is farming up the lane to push. They honestly don't even need the gold at this point, they've been shafting you all game. You're in a bush with a control ward. And best part... you brought your squad to enjoy this moment with you. This is the moment of perfect bliss. The stars are lined up just right. The ecstasy of the moment makes you transcend this world as you pull off your combo. It is so dirty that it's clean. So brutal, that the enemy thanks you for ending it quick. It is mercy.

If you are not looking for plays like these, then you cannot Nut with the greatest. You may be Diamond, or Master, or Challenger, but prestige does not buy fulfillment.

"Only the Nut is happiness. Only the Nut is Success. Only the Nut."

This is your mantra.

(I'm publishing this as a work in progress. I believe my message is important for the masses, and I'm just getting started...)

Honestly I don't know why most top rated guides put a pros/cons list. If you're asking why you should play Skarner, you do not have a Nut ready to handle him. That being said, here are some well known facts about Skarner:

1) Skarner is actually the only champion woke enough to realize he is being played in a children's videogame which exploits young kids like me to spend money on worthless chromas. And therefore Skarner lets us players put on a chroma for free.

2) If Sonic the Hedgehog and Skarner had a race, Skarner would be sippin Mojitos near the finish line right as the starting pistol fires.

3) The "Better Nerf Irelia" meme was really an office joke at Riot HQ where someone said "Better Nerf Skarner" and was misheard as 'Irelia.' Now you know.

4)Ever Watch Casting Couch? Skarner was actually the inspiration for the show. The director played League and said hey, this would be a great series.

5) Skarner is the least picked Champion in League not because he is underpowered, but because he is a humble G. Instead of spending time on the rift, he puts roots in the community. It was announced as of patch 9.2 that Skarner created over 100 schools in all of Runeterra bettering the community while Yasuo still screams at INTing Tilters in Solo/Duo.

Let's talk about something most people don't realize. Skarner is the embodiment of the United States. Skarner is constantly looking for resources to exploit, and he does so by placing giant oil mines in just about every plot of land with access to wealth.

Where might you ask are his oil mines?

Everywhere baby!

Here's a map I made. It's disgustingly simple to read, but to understand, requires a PhD at Harvard University. In short, this is what you should take away: the opposing jungler is a Disconnect Bonobo Monkey.

You should make the enemy jungler feel like uninstalling after minute 5, and have them literally uninstall by minute 10.

Skarner clears so fast its disgusting. When he goes into jungle camps, he not only kills the Adults, but the new-borns too. Honestly don't know why this is a rated-T game with the amount of jungle-genocide possible on this champion.

Is the opposing jungler trying to contest you? Laughable... Just fight near your crystal spires and bring forth the might of 239 years of Independence.