Hello, I am vindy, known on the rift only as shacokoko, gigajew, sheen, 82337860 and more... I started playing league many years ago, but unfortunately I quit. I came back a few months ago and I developted ultimate Top Lane Strategy. After watching streams, reading guides by the top lane legends: The Bausffs, deji333, and Proguides, I believe I have created a ultimate guide for the top lane, achieving almost 100% win rate in your lane. Now ever since I returned to league, I have not talked, or felt the touch of a women. But that's alright because at leasy I had the feeling of making my laner want to kill himself, which is a much better feeling than getting a ******* and ultimately, the point of this entire guide. I promise you that you will get to at leasy high diamond without any skill, by only following by guide. After that, you're on your own... Unless I make a part two...

So let's start by discussing one thing. You don't need to be good to win your lane every time. Of course I am, but I created a guide for imbeciles like you so that you can climb and make the enemy pet dog have 15 stacks at 20 minutes. I will mostly focus on ad top, such as Trundle, Darius and other bruisers. This strategy replies to ALL AD TOP LANERS. But I recommend that you start with Trudnle, as he is most likely the best champ with this strategy.

Well, as I said the strategy works with every ad top laner. So why do I recommend Trundle? He is simple to understand, his kit isn't that overwhelming, he has an extremely good early game, an extremely good lvl 6 all in, and scales extremely well. So sell your ****ing yone, you're dog**** anyway you dzukill wannabe piece of **** and become an actual piece of **** who wins every lane because of playing an overpowered troll who somehow never gets banned or picked.

So, you spawn in the fountain and you see a blue troll with a **** shaped rock in his hand. This was your first mistake. You need lil slugger trundle. Homie costs 5 bucks and it will help you by a long shot, as he is funny to look at and its extremely pleasing when your enemy top writes in all chat about being **** on buy a troll in a cap. After you spend 520 rp on a brand new amazing skin. Play your game. Buy Dorans blade and run top. Check every bush in the lane, the river bush and finally go into the bush towards the enemy buff. This is where they usually are, or this is where they will come from leashing. Either way use your q, bite the ****, ignite him and just go all in. You don't lose. Even if the jungler comes. You will 1v2 unless it's a darius. Trust me. After you get your 400g back, and start building Blade of the Ruined King. Just keep pushing, farm, get plates. Go all in whenever you can. Just piss your laner off. Get attack speed boots and Hullbreaker. Now, you mute all and go top. You either dive the enemy top, or if you aren't too ahead or they are playing a high mobility or cc champ you just ignore them and take towers. Take herald if you can, ignore team fights until you broke the top inhib. You cannot lose a 1v1, 1v2, or even a 1v3, unless someone on their team is EXTREMELY FED. After taking the inhib write in chat "GOING BOT **** OFF" and ping your hullbreaker at leasy 5 times. Now you do the same until you take bot inhib. By trinity force and some other items, get the herald again, and try to end top. If you can, die for inhib turrets, especially if drake is up for your team to take. At this point your team will be ahead in everything. Gold, drake, map control. Just don't troll, fight with your team and end the game.

This happens to the best of us. And this is the only reason why you don't have a 100% win rate. Just tell them to uninstall and get on prozac, then go next. **** happens and hopefully you can get through these ****ty games without telling your teamnates to kill themselves, because apparently you get banned for that.