So, I don't particularly feel like I should have to explain the abilities of this champion in my own words. There is an official page, a thousand other guides, and the game client itself - all of which can do a better job than I can of explaining exactly what these abilities do, and how to best use them. However, in the interest of remaining "professional," I will copy and paste them from the official site as well as reference my mentality when leveling them up.

Passive - Hextech affinity: Gain Movement Speed while near allied towers and turrets deployed by Heimerdinger.

Q - H-28 G Evolution turret: Heimerdinger lays down a rapid-fire cannon turret equipped with a secondary pass-through beam attack (turrets deal half damage to towers). Places a Turret. Turret attacks prioritize Heimerdinger's targets and enemies attacking Heimerdinger. Heimerdinger generates a Turret kit every (based on cooldown) seconds and can hold 3 Kits at once.

W- Hextech Micro-Rockets: Heimerdinger fires long-range rockets that converge on his cursor. (These rockets can do a massive sweep for small amounts of damage, or converge on one location and deal a ton, depending on your cursor location - rockets deal reduced damage if more than one hit the same target).

E- CH-2 Electron Storm Grenade: Heimerdinger lobs a grenade at a location, dealing damage to enemy units, as well as stunning anyone directly hit and slowing surrounding units. I love this ability in spite of myself. Sure the hitbox is smaller than my.... It's small, trust me, especially if you want that stun. but it is absolutely vital that you learn to hit these bad boys as best you can, a task made much easier by the rylai's crystal scepter. A lot of people overlook the secondary passive built into the grenade as well which merits some explanation. If you strike an enemy champion with this grenade - all of your nearby turrets have their "Cannon" fully charged and will fire at the champion that was struck... so even while the grenade itself deals relatively modest damage, if a champion jumps on you and get's stunned - your turrets will make them regret it.

R- UPGRADE!!! : Makes Heimerdinger's next ability free and gives it bonus effects. Reactivate to cancel.
H-28Q Apex Turret: Places a Turret for 8 seconds that deals magic damage with its cannon and magic damage with its beam. It has splash damage, immunity to disables, its attacks slow by 25% for 2 seconds and it doesn't count toward the Turret limit.
Hextech Rocket Swarm: Fires 4 waves of rockets that each deal magic damage. Champions and Monsters hit by multiple rockets take reduced damage, max (a **** ton of damage).
CH-3X Lightning Grenade: Throws a bouncing grenade that discharges three times, dealing magic damage. Both the stun and slow areas are larger and the slow is improved to 80%.

Upgrade is by far one of my favorite ultimate abilities within the league of legends. I like it so much that I can't even make a joke about it. It is simply THAT good. At first glance, it looks like a karma or Leblanc ult. You press it, you can use one of your other abilities and it does something a little better, or stronger, or has a bonus effect. Neat. But in Heimerdinger's case? It turns fantastic into phenomenal. Unlike the other two champions, I referenced, Heimerdinger's abilities are suited for a wide range of things. Seiging, team fights, duels, whatever. And Upgrade takes those abilities to a whole new level. The turret upgrade is the staple and the most used of my upgraded powers with this build for a few reasons. One - I like to let my turrets do the talking. Two, it doesn't count towards my turret limit and does a butt plug worth of damage. And three, it can HIT enemy towers like a shaco clone or tibbers. you have an empty lane and ZZ'rot set up as you approach the enemy turret? DROP your ult and turn that structure to ash. Also great for duels before you get a rylais because in addition to the range and massive damage this turret provides - it also slows enemies down so you can run around them like the track star you always wanted to be in high school. Not dueling? Or winning a duel and your enemy is flashing to get away from you? Psych! You thought! Let's try "MORE ROCKETS!" - Heimerdinger's ult infused Hextech Micro-rockets are the dubstep of league of legends. They make you feel powerful like you are the 10,000 ability power Veigar in a custom game just waiting to one pump the baron as soon as it looks at you funny. This ability WHOMPS. under the right conditions if you hit it like you should, you are looking at 1200+ damage end game, and if you tweak the build or sell the ZZ'rot end game (When your enemies turrets are smoldering ruins) you can reach 1500+ Without issue. it HURTS. Lastly - there is the upgraded grenade. I won't say this is my favorite ability to upgrade, because I would be lying. However, versatility is the name of the game and this has saved my life more times than I would care to admit. The stun radius is much better and it hits three times, with enough area to stun... oh, I don't know, a 5 man squad chasing you down the lane because they are butthurt you shattered their top turrets in record time? And even if you don't hit the stun - the outside area is an 80% slow... That's a LOT of slow. It deals a decent chunk of damage, but mostly? I use it for teamfight engages when my team refuses to pick a front line or a solid engage champ - which, in case you were wondering is pretty much all the time.

Now - to rationalize my pick order. The turret needs to be leveled first. I'm sorry, but this isn't a sniper ****er build for max rocket damage by level 6. This is a standard build with a nice twist. The turrets are easy to use, deal a great amount of sustained damage, and they hit turrets. Which, if you have been following me up to now you realize is the entire purpose of this build. To SMASH structures like the uni-bomber or whatever. I guess the only part of this that probably needs any explaination is the rockets/grenade level order. Some people prefer to go right into maxing the rockets second or taking an extra level for some burst early, and that's fine. However, I like to balance my damage. This is more a DPS build than a shatter your dreams burst type of thing. So I take a few levels while split maxing my rockets to ensure that when I land a grenade I can actually SEE the damage before level 18.

Now it's time for the secret that the FBI and Illuminati are currently hunting me for releasing to the public. The one they kept secret since League's rune rework. That's right - Conqueror isn't just for ****ing Yi and Darius. Allow me to explain. This keystone makes your attacks/abilities deal a tiny bit of extra damage that stacks up to 5 times. Once you reach 5 stacks 8% of ALL of your damage is converted into true damage and you heal from it. Do you know how long it takes to stack Conqueror on Heimerdinger? When you figure out the exact milliseconds - you let me know. The MOMENT an enemy tries to engage you and you toss a wrench you get one stack. Your 3 turrets will then follow up immediately to provide 3 more. Then you throw a wrench, hit any of your rocket swarm, or land a nade and suddenly you are in business - dealing CHUNKS of extra true damage from every turret, auto-attack, and other ability at your disposal. Oh, and did I mention the healing? It isn't much - but it is more sustain than anyone playing Heimer rightfully deserves XD Stack a hextech gunblade on it and you will find the urge to scream "Befuddling?! Isn't it?" in every fight you end dancing on the corpses of your enemies. If not for Conqueror, I wouldn't be able to justify precision at all. The rest of it is kinda meh for ****er. But we make it work for the sake of the keystone. Triumph is great for beating that parting gift the enemy top lane hit you with (ignite) before they were gunned down for ever thinking they could mess with you in the first place. Legend tenacity is a shoe-in because you need neither attack speed nor lifesteal on heimer - however, after playtesting it with Mercury treads? it actually works quite well. You run around fast, you are way tankier than you should be as a caster, and suddenly, crowd control doesn't work so well for them anymore. It it helpful. Last stand is the only other reason I like this tree for this champion. There is always going to be a tipping point in the game where you find yourself (probably fed) sitting top, pushing that base turret so you can eat that juicy, juicy inhibitor when suddenly the braindead enemy team realizes something is not right and swarms topside to catch you. This is it. You are facing the inevitable demise - even if you are 100% setup for it, the chances of actual escape are (pretty good with flash and point runner while rylais slows them, but shhh - theatrical) slim. But you know what you can do? Take a BUNCH of them with you. While running around and trying to avoid skillshots as your turrets protect daddy ****er with every shot - you will lose health, and as you lose health, your turrets and everything else in your kit will grow stronger. Pair this with the BARRIER summoner spell and an hourglass end game and you will find yourself coming out of stasis to less enemies than you went into it with ;D

This next section is entirely debatable and I won't force my trolly thought process on anyone. there are SO many good choices for a secondary tree that I wish I could take more of them. Nimbus cloak is among my favorite - for when people jump on you and you unleash the mega turret, suddenly moving at the speed of "oh ****" for a few seconds, or scorch, which you could proct basically at all times with turrets. Manaflow band is an excellent option and fills quickly thanks again to turrets (and is also extremely viable since I don't build a lot of mana until later/if at all). And Gathering storm... This build is a little on the lower end for AP, and in testing? Gathering storm makes up for it as the game progresses very nicely. It helps scale you into a more average ****er strength level. However - HOWEVER, I did not come here to MAKE a standard ****er build. I came here to give you the C4 detonator that makes turrets cower in fear. If you like any of the above-mentioned runes, TAKE THEM. They are great. Hell, I use them when I get tired of trolling. However, in my standard, fun games - I use Demolish and overgrowth for a few reasons. First of all, I break turrets. And while I am the first to admit that demolish is never going to be as good on ****er as it is on tanks with an actual health pool - my standard item build includes multiple health items that eventually cause Demolish to be quite strong. Pair it with the 8 seconds your mega turret is pegging the enemy structure and you can whomp a turret early-mid/mid game before your lane opponent knows what the hell happened. Also worth noting is the fact that turret plating gives gold. The earlier you break those plates, the more you get paid. Overgrowth is a compliment to demolish. You are going to fly through those minions in a lane, trust me - Heimer has so much wave clear its scary. That alone will net you 360 bonus health in addition to an increase of 3.5% max health. which in turn boosts your ability to stay alive AND your demolish capability. Again though, if you like the other stones mentioned? Take them. They are fine - they work fantastically on ****er. I just like what I like and it tends to work for me.

As for my adaptive stuff - I take sheer damage over cooldown because I find I don't need it. Also some extra bonus health for the same reasons mentioned above.

This is it, boys and girls. This is the build that has frustrated my enemies beyond all measure. This is the build that breaks ankles, lets me survive, and eventually, thrive in combat against even multiple opponents at once. This is also where I will break down the reasoning for certain selections. For one - The ZZ'rot has more synergy with ****er than most people like or are willing to admit. This item gives a nice balance of armor, magic resistance, and health regeneration. It also has a super nice active that allows you to spawn a void gate. What's a void gate you ask? I mean.. it's in the item description but the short end of it is that it spawns this nice little relic that drops monsters out of it with one purpose - to WRECK turrets. It becomes an immediate threat to the enemy laner who is going to want to destroy it before it starts giving you that sweet, sweet turret plating gold or destroys their haven entirely. What's more - it opens a new playstyle for ****er. You can drop one of these bad boys in a bush and then surround it with turrets, the moment an enemy comes in range to dispatch it you can stun and gun them. This is another reason I am fond of the sweeper trinket - my enemies can't see me coming. Protect the ZZ'rot and let your turrets push the lane for literally free gains while you sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. but WAIT THERE'S MORE! Anyone who ever played this champion should be aware of his passive - which allows Heimerdinger to achieve a pretty high movespeed when near turrets (his own, or allied turrets). The ZZ'rot has this same ability except that it needs to ramp up and also applies to enemy turrets as well as the Voidgate itself. This means that you can easily get over 550 move speed with a ****er turret and the ZZ'rot in close proximity. Mobility is the name of the game - and let me tell you nothing is more frustrating to an enemy than a tiny midget scientist running circles around them while they are slowly eaten away by plasma fire. This leads into my next favorite item for ****er - the Rylai's crystal scepter. This bad boy is wifey. In addition to actually being the first bit of AP I typically work on when playing siege tactics, it also adds to my general strategy of running around my opponents like Muhammad Ali. While I begin to zip around like master yi on a crack binge, my enemies will suddenly find themselves perpetually slowed by turret fire - making them much easier targets for my other skill shot abilities to land. As if this wasn't enough, the item also slaps some health to compliment the Armor and magic resistance that I've already built- turning my "Glass cannon" caster into a man who screams "Harder daddy!" Next on the list is another fun item that doesn't get a lot of play in other champions for good reason. AP casters without sustained damage like ****er or brand can't make as much use of the item which makes it all the more unique to me. This item is basically a walking ignite on ****er at all times (minus the heal reduction). As soon as enemies get into range and start taking fire - this bad boy with start to ramp up your damage. A normal caster can't remain in combat for long but with this build? You'll achieve the passive 10% bonus damage as if it were nothing. And that isn't even the best part! The true beauty of the torment is the other passive that states - "Burn in hell forevermore" Or.. something like that. Seriously though it causes a burn effect that hits for MAX HEALTH PERCENTAGE damage every second for three seconds, oh and that damaged is INCREASED by 75% if the target has impaired movement... which they always will... because of Rylais... #Cancer. The last two items I don't feel the need to cover as much because they aren't core products of this build. The luden's echo is just good. There isn't much else to say. It gives a bunch of ability power, some cool down, and some extra mana which I otherwise don't build on ****er. The passive can really be useful if it happens to proct on the right target but truthfully as ****er you have enough aoe as it is. The Hourglass does deserve a bit more explanation even though heimer players have been using it since the dawn of time. Almost no one uses it better than he does. This is because while you are perfectly safe in the form of a shining golden god - your turrets are still having a GRAND OLD TIME - shooting the **** out of your enemies while you sip lemonade and do your homework. Also, it is worth noting that between the ZZ'rot and the hourglass this build nets you 100 armor which makes you pretty damned solid. add this to the modest cooldown reduction and a nice chunk of ability power and you really can't do much better.

Now that we know how to build our unstoppable military fortress, how do we use it? I have played league of legends since 2010 and as such, I have played every single champion ever released to the public. I have played many variations of the same champion as they evolved in reworks or remodels, etc, etc. With this in mind, I have to say that anyone can play Heimerdinger. He is not difficult to play in my opinion. When compared with champions like Leblance or the new Aatrox, he takes very little skill to play at a decent level. This, of course, is where we need to understand that there is a difference between a good Heimerdinger and a phenomenal ****-bomber. They simply aren't the same. Heimerdinger's, for example, will set up a line of turrets... Yeah, it gets the job done but f*ck all that - Illuminati all day baby. Those turrets need to be in a triangular formation at all times! Two turrets on either side of the minion wave and one in the back for protection. That is the way of the ****er. I can't teach you how to hit your missiles or grenades in a guide but I will say that practice makes perfect every time. if you keep at it you will learn the missile speed for both spells and get better, and Rylai's makes everything easier to hit. One thing to keep in mind for general play is that even as hearty as this build is - you are still a tiny guy with a mustache. Don't bite off more than you can chew. Stay mobile, stay back, and stay vigilante. Even when fed you can still be killed. Learn the best paths for escape everywhere that you are and don't hesitate to spend some of that kill money on a pink ward, my friends. They save lives. And once you have your ZZ'rot, it's time to switch to protect the king mode. Put it in a bush, put turrets around it, and keep the enemies at bay near their turret. The rest will come automatically. But most importantly - have fun with it and thank you to anyone who views this guide and gives it a shot. It is my first build because I've never felt so strongly for a champion build that I thought to take the time out and map it. Maybe because it's unique. Maybe because it's strong. I'm not sure - the only thing I do know is that I have a LOT of fun whenever I select heimer top lane and use this build. So, get out there and give this build a try, let me know what you think. Give the build 5 games and see if you see what I've seen in it. If not, maybe it needs improvement and I am always willing to listen to constructive criticism.