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Iratesniper
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<Member>
Here's an old time favorite:
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
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As the two guys are neck and neck the entire event, and soon find themselves at the swimming portion of the event.
As the two men are swimming in the ocean to get to the first water buoy, a shark rapidly comes out of the sea and attacks the first man. The shark proceeds to rip both of his legs off and swim away.
The second man, not wanting to lose his rival due to something out of his control, tells the man to take his arms and wrap them around him so he can swim with him. The first man proceeds to do so.
Suddenly, the shark comes back for a second attack and mauls the first mans arms off and swims away, thus leaving the poor chap with no arms or legs. The second man grabs him and throws him on his back so he may continue the race.
At last, the second man breaks shore and proceeds to remove the first man off his back and exclaims:
Second Man: ''Man, im ****ed.''
And the first man retorts with,
First Man: ''Im so sorry, but it was the only way i could hold on!''
Heres another one;
A man decides to throw a party where everyone HAS to come dressed as an emotion.
As the guests start to come in, he notices all of the emotions:
Red for anger.
Yellow for happyness.
Blue for sadness.
Suddenly, a naked man walks in with nothing but a pear on his *****. The host, outraged someone broke his rules engages the man in a heated arguement:
Host: ''I TOLD EVERYONE THAT THEY HAVE TO COME AS AN EMOTION!''
the confused man retorts with:
Man: ''But my good sir, i have come as an emotion! Im ****in dis-pear!''