Hi kids. I'm a **** league player and you probably just locked in on Kalista after seeing her on the free champs list. So I'm here to make a guide on this Parkinson's disease fueled failed abortion.

When playing Kalista, You have to remember that you are playing the bane of all skillshot champions. Make sure you dodge every single skill shot like a midget on meth while simultaneously roasting the enemy team in chat. For example, whenever you dodge a skill shot, type in all chat something along the lines of "nice ult you dumb ****". Just be ready for the inevitable flame that'll come when you get hit and one shotted because you didn't build any armor. Remember, YOU are the embodiment of cancer itself. So make sure the enemy team leave the match both physically and emotionally scarred from all the times they had to run from a kalista jumping like a black man towards them only to get executed by her E. Your job is not done unless the enemy team leaves the game with their ******* resized 3 steps up and all they can do is insta-ban Kalista for the rest of their shortened careers.

Kalista is a champion especially designed for bot lane since her whole ult revolves around having a support nearby to be launched at inhuman speeds at the enemy. So make sure you get one of your **** friends in discord so they'll have an idea of what you're doing. Make sure that he plays a proper support, in other words anybody who's either female or tanky as ****. Just don't for the love of god allow a kayle to "support". They're just KSing pricks who belongs up someone's ****hole. Make sure you flame a kayle support no matter what they do. But NEVER flame your support. If they die to minions you better take the blame for it. Because your support is living on minimum wage just so your boosted *** can buy your 5th item while they're trying to save up to buy a health pot.

Kalista has a few cancerous abilities, only 3 of which you'll ever use.

P "**** your skillshots"
Kalista can dodge when she auto attacks, making the enemy thresh's life an absolute nightmare

Q "poke poke poke played poke"
You throw a spear and it will pass all stacks to the next guy it hits if it kills something

W "what does this do?"
Noone has ever used this ability so we don't know what it does.

E "You thought you got away?"
When you get stacks on someone you can activate this ability to damage em based on amount of stacks. If you kill something you get a reset on your cool down

R "LEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS
You take your support and ****ing launch her towards her cursor. she can't be harmed during this.

Just be a pain in the ****hole and make them feel the pain of ****ing a blender with a nokia shoved up their ***. And make sure you be as toxic as possible and BM them whenever possible. blame riot if you die and call the jungler trash if you lose. Dodge every skillshot thrown at you like Putin dodges all fair political elections. And finally, take red & blue buff whenever possible, doesn't matter if you're dying more times than famous people on untrustworthy newspapers.